Dear World,
Tomorrow is my last day of school. I am thrilled and terrified at the same time. I LOVE school, but I am ready to leave for the summer. I am going to miss Solo (the name I'm going to call my track coach on this blog) so much. She has been a mother to me this year. I don't know if I would've made it through the year without her. I'll probably end up seeing her once or twice this summer, but not seeing her everyday is going to be hard for a little bit. I don't like change.
I got to see Wilder and Cheeky today. They brighten my day. Wilder was well behaved, to my astonishment. They help show me what the true definition of love is.
Running is a GINORMOUS part of my life. UGGHHH. I LOVE running so much, and I love competing, and I love training, but I really want to quit my team next year. I adore my coaches, but this year has been too hard for me to handle. I actually believed that I could be good. haha. It is hilarious to think I actually believed that when looking back at my season now. I let my mind get the best of me, but I don't know how to stop it. I will always be fucked up. WOOHOO. I wish I could pray again. I don't think God has it in him to love a selfish gay teen, so I won't bother.
On my run today, I was happy. I didn't look at my watch, didn't track my pace, and based it entirely off of what I felt. It was spectacular. It made me want to race. Then I remembered how I fucked up my opportunity to compete on a high level when I had it.
What is wrong with me?
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